Sunday, April 11, 2010

Responsibility Creep.

We take you now to the HR office of Cauldron HQ, developers of Jurassic The Hunted.

HR: Thanks for coming in. I know you are busy as we are getting close to crunch time. This will only take a few minutes.

Programmer: No problem, I was running a new build anyway and that could take a while. We made some changes to Spike (note: boss dinosaur) and need to make sure it doesn't break anything.

HR: This is exactly the kind of dedication I wanted to discuss with you. Today marks your one year anniversary and I must say that your superiors have been very impressed with both the quality of and dedication to your work.

Programmer: What can I say? It's tough, but I am making a game about shooting dinosaurs. If I can't find something to smile about while doing that, I should go back to writing code for Microsoft.

HR: That kind of attitude will take you quite far in this business. On that note, it pains me to say this, but because the game has not yet been released Activision hasn't paid us, we are going to have to discuss your annual raise another time.

Programmer: I understand, as long as we do discuss it. Once the game goes gold there will be more time, right?

HR: Well, that is something else we need to talk about. See, we are running a little short on talent at the moment. How do you feel about voice acting?

Programmer: What?

HR: The work you, your team, and the artists have done is really great, but there is just no money to hire any voice talent. You would only have to read a few lines and sound tough doing it. Do you think you can handle that?

Programmer: Well, it's quite a bit out of my job description, and I do find it a bit odd that we are talking about this right after I found out I wasn't getting my annual raise on time, but I suppose if it helps the game get out, I will give it a shot. I just can't promise that I will be any good at it...

HR: Oh, we're not worried about that.

Programmer: Excuse me?

HR: That about wraps up our meeting, unless you have any questions.

Programmer: I would like to see the script.

HR: The what?

Programmer: My lines? The ones I have to read?

HR: Oh, we don't have them, you have to write them.

Programmer: Are you serious?

HR: Quite. And come up with a plot while you are at it, because we certainly have no idea what the hell is going on. Something about time travel and the Bermuda triangle would be nice. And try to explain the inclusion of dinosaurs in the least ridiculous way possible. Got it?

Programmer: I think you have the wrong guy for this, I really want to...

HR: Sorry, but we have a schedule to keep! Have a script draft of my desk by this afternoon! I will take a polite but ineffective glace at it before sending you off to the recording studio in the janitors closet. And about that raise? I wouldn't worry about it, you are all going to be fired as soon as the game goes gold anyway. Have a nice day!

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