Thursday, May 27, 2010

Design by committee.

Vice President #1: So we have this Unreal engine licensed. Apparently it's a really big deal. What should we do with it?

Vice President #2: A shooter? Wait, there are some good ones of those floating around. A driving game?

Vice President #3: A brawler?

VP1: Of course! We haven't seen a good one of those in years!

VP2: What about Castle Crashers and Dishwasher Samurai?

VP3: Haven't you heard? Downloadable games don't count.

VP1: Quite right. Now we need an idea for this game, something that hasn't been done before, but nothing too original because I don't want to hire any artists or writers. Ideas? Anyone? Hey, what are you doing over there?

VP3: Me? Oh, uh, research.

VP1: On your laptop? And what was all that screaming?

VP2: (looks) That's disgusting! Why did that rabbit just pluck out the skunk's eyes with a fork? And why does that moose have an upside down antler? Oh god, he skinning the rabbit with a rusty saw!

VP3: (sighs) My four year old son found this after I put him down in front of my computer so I could go drink and flirt with the maid. I just think they are kind of funny.

VP1: ...and easy to copy frame for frame! That will be our brawler! And so we don't have to pay anyone any royalties, we will replace all the animals with public domain fairy tale characters! I'm brilliant!

VP2: Yes, yes, now could you please put your pants back on?

VP1: I will not. Moving on, shall we throw some silly control scheme at this and call it innovative?

VP3: The left analog stick never seems to get used very much. Why don't we use that to control the attacks?

VP2: You mean like Too Human?

VP3: Sure, but instead of holding it in a direction we will force the player to jam it back and forth. Maybe we can get a kickback from Madcatz.

VP1: An excellent premise. What time is it?

VP2: 9:30.

VP1: Let's call it a day, I have an important personal meeting.

VP3: Do you want your pants?

VP1: Of course not. I'm not sure I was even wearing any when I arrived.

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