Monday, September 20, 2010

Bitter with boxing gloves

I really didn't want to talk about Just Cause 2. It is a relatively old game and there are much newer ones that I should be playing but am not because I am cheap and lazy. Then I realized that I talk about Street Fighter all the damn time, plus no one reads this anyway, so why am I censoring myself? I posted pictures of Cho Aniki several months back and have made at least one if not two drunken rambles. How much worse could it possible get?

How Just Cause 2 look or how it plays aren't really what I want to talk about anyway. Both get the job done with minimal flair and maximum vehicular homicide. But how the game sounds, specifically the voice acting, demands attention. Our hero, whose name I have actually forgotten, sports some kind vague Hispanic accent that is both moderately offensive if I was one of those people who is easily offended (I am not) and incredibly generic. For hours there was something about it that bothered be, but I could not pinpoint it. Finally, after this line was uttered:

"You have two choices. Either you come with me quietly or I will cut off your hands and bitch slap you with them until we get to where we are going!"

that I realized that he sounds exactly like Strong Bad.


It was uncanny. He even acts a bit like Strong Bad, making occasional asides about how awesome he is and how well thing seem to explode when he is around. I know that this was not intentional and it is probably the result of having spent far, far too many hours of my life in front of a screen of some sort, but yet I have convinced myself that I am somehow playing Homestar Runner, the free form action game.

Even bringing up Strong Bad dates me a bit. I have no idea if they still update anymore, or if they are 'cool' are not, but it is certainly not a new thing.

On that note, I came across a site called 2old2play today. My first reaction was 'gah, learn to spell, losers,' but then I decided to take a quick peek at things. Maybe they really were trying to appeal to the growing market of 30 somethings who are reluctant to give up on childish things. So I wandered into their forums.

When did mid twenties become old?

This is a bit of an exaggeration, as there were a few people who were approaching my advanced age, but that is not the lesson learned by this little exercise. The only true thing to take away from a site that I will not be returning to is that douchbagery has no age limit. On the contrary, at least people in their late teens/early twenties have an excuse: they are all idiots and don't know any better. You would think that by 30 people would learn how to not be a douchebag. It turns out they just distill the art into some sort of hyper-douche.

...

Okay, this is also not fair, I didn't even look at much there, I just like to complain, and they have a dumb name. And I wanted to say hyper-douche.

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