Saturday, October 16, 2010

Bizarro Gears

Goodness, I have been neglectful.

Alright, two nights ago I spent the entire evening in a Super Street Fighter IV lobby with two people who were significantly batter than I am. In was a night of ass kickings, but it was it still a great time. These two guys went from their mains to their backups right down to the characters that mess around with for fun before I even had a chance. What was even more fun was watching them play each other with characters they normally didn't use, at it proved to me once and for all that good fundamentals will server you well with any character. It never hurts to know specific characters magic tricks, like canceling a teleport into Ultra 2 with Akuma (which is serious, serious bull shit when it hits), but there are by no means absolutely required to not embarrass yourself. The only time I truly looked like an idiot was trying to work my way in with Honda vs Gouken. It was hopeless. Sure, the guy I was playing told me to FADC through the fireballs and ochio throw him, which is all fine and good, but I simply can't do that with any consistency. Practice, practice, practice.

Nah.

So, Quantum Theory.

This is how I picture how this game came into being. Someone at Tecmo was handed a document describing Gears of War in great detail. Everything technical about the game is there, so the developer tries to give it a try, just with an Eastern slant. It should be noted that no one from Tecmo actually played Gears of War, or even looked at any screen shots, they only read about it. What came out on the other side of development hell is a game aimed at a market that doesn't know how to play Gears of War, doesn't really want to play Gears of War anyway, and whose art style has been manga-fied in an attempt to disguise it. The instructions themselves break things down so far that it is almost laughable. For example: try shooting from behind cover, you will take less damage. Really? I learned that two generations of consoles ago.

Tecmo gets a few points for trying, but not many, because the only thing that really matters isn't very good: the shooting. Aiming is loose and inaccurate, enemies have excellent aim from a distance but have no idea how to use cover when up close, and the story and voice acting are of course terrible. Still, there is something fascinating about a game made by people who had no idea how the game was actually supposed to work and tried to copy one that does, right down to the Cole train (who dies about two levels in). I will see it to the end, but only because I enjoy train wrecks.

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