Friday, November 19, 2010

Soothing my inadequacies

This happened two days ago, but I missed a day, so oh well.

Dead Rising 2, after many hours of reminding me why I didn't go back and play the first game a second time, finally did something that made me cock my head to he side and mutter 'now that was pretty cool' to myself. Of course it was a cutscene, which is not exactly a resounding endorsement of the game. The fake final boss finally had his health whittled away by boxing gloves with blades taped to them and it still looked like he was going to make an escape anyway. He deployed something like a reverse parachute that a passing plane was going to snag and pull him off the roof to safety. Chuck sees this, grabs a clip off of his belt, and then attaches the guys vest to the building. The plane makes the snag, tearing him in half in the process. There had been a few vivisections already, but this was easily the best and I wish that the camera had not been so squeamish. He was a bitch to fight and seeing him torn asunder was a nice bonus.

And then Chuck runs back to the safehouse and finds his daughter's backpack laying on the floor. Fade to black. Credits. I was floored. After all this the only non player characters with character simply disappear?  Angered by what I saw as a pretty blatant shilling of future downloadable content I skipped the credits. Much to my surprise the game was not done. Overtime! Excellent! Oh, a multi tier fetch quest for ridiculous items (fancy champagne, what?) and another lame boss fight. Never mind. Capcom's heart was in the right place, but the game had actually stopped being fun several hours ago. More of the same was not going to save it, but at least in the end Chuck gets a girl. The girl took a bullet to the forehead when the bad guy made his well foreshadowed reveal, so the only girl left was a tree hugger who decided she liked zombies instead. At least she was good with the kid.

I find it difficult to not complain about my attempts at Pro Mode in Rock Band 3. The human hand is simply not meant to bend in the ways that are required for chords. This is of course a false statement, but it makes me feel a little better about how terrible I am at the game. Years upon years of five button pretend guitar have conveyed exactly zero actual skill. I just got better and better and pretending. Now that I am being asked to do something a few steps closer to the real thing it stops being fantasy fun and becomes actual work. Going from sight reading just about anything to feebly plunking away at one string (and still fucking up most of the time) is an incredible blow to the ego. The only thing saving me is the picture I have in my head of rocking out to real songs with chords and solos, fingers nimbly dancing from fret to fret, but I have no idea if I will ever get there.

That level of frustration makes Clash of the Titans, a terrible movie cash in, a welcome relief. Here is a bad game that I can enjoy in an ironic way that takes no effort whatsoever. Trust me, it's terrible, and that is just what I need to sooth my crooked digits.

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