Monday, January 10, 2011

Coddled to death

It did not take much looking to find that I am far from alone in my general dislike of Fable 3. The game came to a rather anti-climactic end last night and I could not be bothered with the remaining quests or any of the new ones that popped up. The game was done, as far as I was concerned, because I had trolled the shit out of 6.5 million residents of Albion and there was nothing that I could do to top that.

Right after becoming king you are faced with a new dilemma: be a tyrant and earn enough money to hire an army to save you from the invasion of refugees from Epic Mickey or be a nice guy and pay for your defense out of your own pocket. I had very little money but quite a bit of real estate, so I assumed that as time passed between missions, to the tune of one full year, I was continue to earn my rental fees. Not so, you accumulate rental fees in real time, so even though a year has passed in game time not a single deadbeat bothers to pay for their newly renovated hovels and huts. It was also at this point that I discovered that not having money did not stop me from giving everyone all the expensive things that they wanted; I could just spend myself right into the negative. If only there was a large, Asian country that I could sell all my debt to, then it would be an even more apt allegory for current events.

'You want all these nice things?' I thought, 'you are welcome to them, and more.' By the time the invasion arrived I was over 2 million in the red. My entire civilian population died, right down to the orphans that I built a new retreat for, funded by money I did not have. Everybody got exactly what they wanted, and then everybody died. It was a fitting end for a game that never really got started and I am not in the least bit ashamed of enjoying how I put it to bed. When a game can't be bothered to make a damn bit of sense it is no longer worth trying to play by its rules. I'll just make my own fun, even at the cost of countless virtual souls.

Wow, so this is why people play The Sims.

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