Friday, March 4, 2011

Gah, my epeen! died last week, much to the chagrin of people who like showing off how many meaningless points they have accumulated, like me. Being a selfish bastard, I lament that I did not make it past 100,000 before the forum signatures stopped working. I did find another one that does the same thing and doesn't look nearly as good, but that hasn't worked in several days as they were woefully unprepared for a giant spike in usage. After reading the explanation from their site I understand why it the original went away, but I also wonder why Microsoft isn't providing a way for people to brag about how much time they have wasted on their own services. There is even a number on your Xbox Live profile stating how long you have been paying for the service. Let's see, mine is a a seven, since I have had the same account since Xbox live first came online for the oXbox. $50 time 7 years..... God dammit.

Splatterhouse is one of those rare games that is much better than is should be but still isn't actually any good. It is a great, terrible game, if that makes any sense. As a brawler it is a stripped down God of War with many fewer moves, about three different weapons, an easily abusable way to refill your health, terrible platforming, and fewer boob shots (but not by much). It is at its worst when it attempts to mimic the 2D, side scrolling nature of the original. The way Jack moves when he jumps is so floaty that timing jumps correctly is near impossible. As soon as I stopped comparing it to good games and put it up against games of its own ilk, let it pick on someone its own size, it actually fare pretty well. Contrary to many of the reviews, I think the voice acting is fantastic, with the voice of the terror mask provided by Jim Cummings. No, I did not know who he was before I looked it up, but I looked it up because it was awesome I knew his voice from somewhere. Jim Cummings does voices in just about everything, most notably he was Darkwing Duck.

Darkwing Duck kicked ass, and if you don't agree then you are far to young to be on my lawn.

Now take that voice and have it spout lines like 'Jack, for such a dick, you are a huge pussy.'


This will provide a weekends worth of amusement, which is all I can ask. The collectible cards featuring topless pictures of the damsel in distress are a bit much, but I can't really say anything, as I am one of those guys who went and unlocked the not edited 'cards' in The Witcher.

I really should finish that game one of these days.

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