Tuesday, July 26, 2011

But they have cool hats

What was that I said about assumed quality?

L.A. Noire has taught me a few important things about police work. First of all being a detective is boring. Every case plays out the same way: person, usually a woman, is killed in some grotesque manner. Detective arrive, find victims address in her purse, question the husband, husband runs away. Detective find one other suspect who may or may not be the actual killer, charge one, and never actually have to go to court to testify. Every case is this way, all that changes is the location of the body and how far the suspects run before you catch them/run them over with your car.

Secondly, everyone lies about everything even when they don't have a reason to and there is no space in a detectives questioning technique between bleeding heart softy and douche bag extraordinaire. Even passers by who just happen to have seen something get surly when pressed to give more information, though it doesn't help that the only way a detective can press to get more information is to try to pin the murder on every poor bastard who walks past. This just might be the fault of a terribly questioning interface. All that I am given to respond to a suspects answer are 'Truth,' 'Doubt' and 'Lie.' Accusing them of lying only works if you have evidence to back it up, but good luck choosing the right piece. Doubting what they have said is also a crap shoot because you have no idea what you are actually going to say, and more often that not just piss the witness off to the point where he or she stops talking to you.

I understand that I am supposed to be watching the 'intricately rendered' faces for clues of how big of a liar a person is. If all I could see was the person's face that might work, but the good looking faces (and I do admit they look disturbingly good) are stuck on top of poorly animated bodies. The total effect is one of a disembodied head stuck on top of a mannequin, clawing its way up the uncanny valley in a stilted manner right out of The Exorcist.

Well, she was going down the stairs, but you get my point. L.A. Noire is not good. It thinks its good, acts and looks the part, but beneath the shiny exterior and promises it's a choose your own adventure game, and all the choices are wrong.

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