Friday, July 1, 2011

I have to find some way to enjoy myself

It is difficult to defend a game as band as Mindjack, even when it contains a single new idea so awesome that I think it would fit seamlessly into just about any shooter. More on that in a bit; I have to soften the game up with a few body shots before I lean in and give it a conciliatory kiss on the cheek for having at least one redeeming feature. In all the ways that matter Mindjack is terrible. Being a below average cover based third person shooter just won't cut it. There are so many examples in the genre of getting most of it right and just enough that nearly perfect (Gears of War 2 ahoy) that being kind of bad is actually complete shit by reason of comparison. First and foremost, the cover doesn't work. More often than not I saddle up to whatever waist high piece if scenery has been provided only to be shot in the head anyway. So run and gun, you say? Only if you have an incredibly steady hand, as killing an enemy with anything less than a head shot takes a clip and a half.

Mindjack looks like the follow up that no on wanted for Winback 64, complete with textures that look like they are coated with vaseline. It sounds on par with old Resident Evils. The weapons are all equally bad and whatever stockpile of ammunition you have is removed between missions. What story it has is never explained, so all that is left is moving from room to room shooting guys. So what could possibly be keeping my interest? One word: trolling.

Mindjack's one good idea is to let other players hack into your game, either to help you or hinder you. They start out a either a red or blue cloud. Blue is on your side, red is going to try to kill you. I started out with this turned on, figuring that no one was playing the game anymore so nothing would happen. Two areas in someone hopped into my game on my side. I was quite surprised. Imagine, a random person on Xbox Live was given the choice to help or hurt, and he chose to help! Actually, he was just there to kill all enemies before I got there and take all the XP. This didn't really bother me as getting pulled through a game this bad by someone who appears to actually care about it was amusing in itself. Later that night another person jumped in against me, only he couldn't seem to find me, so I sniped him in the head from across the level. He didn't like that too much, and logged off.

This level in internet douchbagary was something I had to be a part of. Before shutting down for the night I chose a quick match and hacked into the first game I could find. It was a guy on the very first level, still level 1, so he clearly didn't know what was going on yet. He probably had no idea why some giant red cloud floated past him, settling on the first enemy soldier. I would like to think he started to figure things out when that soldier suddenly got much better aim and killed him. Him kicking me out of his game right afterward supports that.

Mindjack: terrible game, excellent for trolling. Not that I ever indulge in that sort of thing.

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