Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Spoon to the lighter to the lighter to the thumb

Somewhere in the annals of game developing lore there exists 'The Idiots Guide to Making an Action RPG.' Chapter 1 is entitled 'Establishing Character and Conflict' and has the following bullet points: outcast/orphan main character lives in village which is attacked/razed/harassed for no reason. Main characters loved ones/lover/cat killed. Mouth breathing villagers cast out main character.

I wish I was joking, but it goes on.

Chapter 2 - Opening up the world. Main character arrives in first major location, must join guild/take meaningless side quests/explore local sewer.

Venetica was written with two eyes on the crib notes and none of the game itself. I would compare it to using a fake book in jazz, but you at least need to know how to play the instrument to use a fake book. I haven't gotten to the next chapters in the how to book yet, but I am sure they will include obvious betrayal, blatantly telegraphed and ultimately meaningless sacrifice, and at least one trip to the brothel. One of these is just a pipe dream.

...

A few days ago I found myself sitting on the floor (because I still have not purchased a couch for my basement) staring at my arcade stick, muttering to myself that I don't use that for anything anymore. My desertion from the genre was almost complete; the only remnants are the physical discs and controller. All remaining downloads and installs have been deleted, which is almost as good as trading the actual media in for pennies on the dollar to the Game-stopo. But I haven't done that yet. They have been moved out of the DVD shelving into a more prominent location: right next to the 360. This was initially to remind myself to pick them up and get rid of them, but they were quickly buried under the next shipment of digital shit from GameFly. Between rentals I still see them and wonder what would happen if I just put one in, just once, just for a little while. It was fun for a long time before it became something much less, something insidious and vulgar, something that led me to fling heavy objects about the room in rage.

Just a little couldn't hurt, right? I just want to see Oni's new costume. And then Evil Ryu's. And then check up on the replays. And then see if the two hit rock crusher really will link into crouch medium kick. Oh god damnit.


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