Saturday, September 17, 2011

Conscientious objection

I am almost ashamed at how easy it was to quit No More Heroes. Surely, it is better than nine out of ten other shitty games that I play, what made this one simpler to walk away from? That's easy: the bad guy started bringing guns to my knife fight. At first I couldn't figure out what was going on; I was was getting hit from across the room and there was no one around. When I finally realized that those bastards were taking pot shots at me I was already dead. On the second retry I found out that as soon as you block the attacks coming from the guy in front of you the two you didn't see shoot you the back. On the third try I got past the first group only to be assaulted by a second. Dying not being the best of times, I went into the menu to lower the difficulty setting, only I could't.

There were no further tries.

This is not an indictment of the game, only of my tolerance for terribleness in certain genres. Third person hand to hand action just does not do as well when done poorly as say, first person shooting. I have played terrible shooters (and am playing one right now, Call of Juarez: The Cartel is terrible) that still manage to be fun but the most basic mechanic of shooting fools in the head never stops being amusing. It is difficult to screw this up. Punching people in the face or cutting them up with swords is equally enjoyable, but much easier to make a mess of. I suppose the lesson here is that if you are going to make a shitty game, make an FPS, but then again no one will but it, because there are new FPS's every week.

...

I dug out my old VHS copies of Star Wars earlier this week (correction: the were returned to me by the person who I forgot I lent them to months and months ago). It took almost as long to find my VCR and I only watched a small piece of Empire. The actually picture quality was terrible: washed out, poorly tracked (and if you don't what tracking is on a VCR....), and worst of all pan and scan. But it was Star Wars; pure, unadulterated Star Wars, unsullied by added effects and brazenly blasphemous plot changes.

The entire collection of six movies was recently released on blu-ray. The original versions of episodes 4, 5 and 6 are not included. I hate Lucas so much I can taste it.

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