Friday, April 5, 2013

This is supposed to fun!

I do not go back and read my own posts as often as I should. My initial reaction to BioShock Infinite is a little embarrassing: I sound like a self important ass hat who frowns on games not built to his own very specific wants and needs.

Worst. Self reflection. Ever.
This is not how I want to come off, even in a blog that next to no one reads. I love games. I love all games, even bad ones. BioShock Infinite is very, very good and deserves most of the praise it is getting. Just like an armchair quarterback criticizes his favorite team of love (and hate) I am the basement developer with no actual talent but lots to say. It is not what I would have done but no one has seen fit to give me $200,000,000 to make a game so what does it matter.

What worries me most is that Infinite Backlog, now it it's fourth year, has become an 'in character' outlet. Chamberlain is not a new name as my 10 year anniversary badge on Xbox Live shows. It is the name I have kept the longest and it seems to have developed a personality of its own. Almost this:

but classier, if that is possible. What was chosen after watching The Dark Crystal for the nth time has become who I am online. This is neither good nor bad, but I would like to think that I am a little nicer than I sound when spoken to in person. Quieter too. With a cleaner mouth.

At least this blog has not been static. My love of making lists has led to cataloging every game I play and linking to every time it has been mentioned. I tried my hand at Elder Scrolls fanfiction and let it go when it became clear that I lacked both the talent and discipline to produce anything of worth. More recently, and most successfully, has been Demo Friday. I really look forward to this and plan on playing every XBLA demo that comes out this year. It works for me because it forces a knee jerk, often uninformed reaction based on around ten to fifteen minutes of a game. It is an entire exercised based around jumping to conclusions. Sometimes I am dead wrong (Mark of the Ninja) and other times it is exactly right. 

Anecdote time: I am, in spite of being a music major in college, a terrible singer. This does not stop me from singing when all alone in the car and once in great while when playing Rock Band. Sounding bad is only part of the problem. I do not have my own singing voice. Everything that comes out of my mouth musically is an impersonation or the real artist. This is fine because no one else is exposed to it. There is only one internet and relative anonymity or not, this is how other people on the internet who stumble across this know me. I do not want this to be an impersonation, or even a character. This is not a work of fiction, it should not have a life of its own. 

The solution, for me, is to accept what it actually is: the musings of a middle aged family man who plays more games than anyone else he knows because no one else he knows plays games at all anymore. I am the guy who won't grow up because he is afraid of feeling old, the guy who talks about games by using other games as a reference. I am not going to stop laying into terrible games but taking out the daily frustration of having to work for a living on games that don't deserve it has to be curtailed. 

Thanks for listening and hope you come back.

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