Friday, September 26, 2014

Baby batman

I am going to make an effort to not talk about Destiny as I do not think that I have ingested enough of it to form ac actual opinion. It is as everyone else has already said: the actual shooting is just as good as anything else Bungie has done. Everything in between, and I mean everything, is an absolute bore. I should not have to spend close to five minutes between missions (if you include loading times) just getting loot identified.

Instead there are two things that I need to catch up on.

#1.

Since House ended I have been without a television show to call my own. There are a few specific criteria that a show must have to be considered. First, it needs to be on network television as I refuse to pay for cable. Second, each episode must stand on its own. If I wanted to watch a mini-series I would do so. An hour long drama should have enough self sustaining story in each episode that I can miss one or two and not be completely lost. Third, it needs to star Hugh Laurie.


The third criteria is not a joke.

Out of desperation, and because I like Batman just slightly less than I like Hugh, I gave Gotham a shot on Monday night. It was shit. Not pilot shit, actual, terrible show shit. Gotham has no idea who it is trying to please and by packing references to future villains into every nook and cranny it alienates them all. Even casual Batman fans will pick out Catwoman, Poison Ivy, Riddler and Penguin - and they will know that they are all too old, save Ivy, whose name they changed from Pamela Isley to something else for no good reason. New fans will have no idea who these people are and wonder why a story that is supposed to be about James Gordon has a teenager stealing milk and hiding behind gravestones.

Gordon is wooden and unintelligent. Alfred is a foul mouthed soccer hoodlum. Bullock is Bullock - he is actually not too bad. Penguin is thin. And little Brucey Wayne is little more than a rich goth kid.

It was bad. Because I am far too generous I will give it one more episode but I do not promise to watch the whole thing.

#2.

Velocity 2X is this close to being 'Splosion Man. This close. I can tell you precisely where it misses the mark - the teleporting. Teleportation is pretty much the crux of the gameplay, both on foot and it your ship. On foot it is okay but in the ship is completely derails the flow of the levels. Speed is of the essence, especially in longer levels with branching paths, so have to stop the ship and aim the teleport destination just kills it.

On foot you always teleport a set distance in front of the character. This allows you to keep moving, pulling the level together into one flowing action (like 'Splosion Man). The ship is not nearly as smooth. And you spend about twice as much time in the ship as not, so it is about half as much fun as it could be,

Points for being an indy game that eschews 16 bit retro nonsense for clean, bright art. I will finish it, then I will forget it.

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