Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Halos are circles, get it?

A lesson in reading the instruction.

After my self pity post regarding my dying sound system I ended up at Best Buy and took advantage of their 24 no interest financing because, well, why wouldn't you. My new speakers are very nice but I have not been able to get the surround sound dialed in yet. It just didn't sound quite right. The receiver came with very limited instructions, and by that I mean it was two pages, so I discarded them immediately without a second glance. I know how to hook up speakers, right?

Two things that I completely missed. First, and this is side effect of me not using the receiver for anything more than sound, the settings are displayed on the connected television via HDMI. I never saw this and was fumbling around the truncated display trying to figure out what all these abbreviations meant. Second, there is an auto-calibration feature, which I found, that only works if you connect the included sensor, which I saw, didn't recognize, and threw back in the box.

Who knows how much I have screwed up the settings. Factory default, here I come.

...

Halo 5 serves the exact same purpose and Halo 2: an advertisement for the third game in the trilogy. The last mission in Halo 5 is called 'Finish the fight.' Ha ha, guy, I get it. Very funny.


To its credit, Halo 5 did not end with a time based vehicular chase in a warthog. No, it ripped off the microwave hallway scene from Metal Gear Solid 4 instead. The only thing missing was mashing A for five minutes. Only Kojima is that mad.

I have one significant complaint: the repeated boss battles are all terrible. There is one boss, the eternal guardian, and he can one shot any of the Spartans. He also moves much faster than you would expect and has a nasty habit of camping on the last corpse he makes. If that corpse happens to be you, well, at least there is no loading screen between you and trying again.

This boss shows up over and over, always fights you the same way, always says the same things, the only variety being that the third time there is two of him. The forth time there is three. He was bull shit the first time all my himself, imagine the words coming out of my mouth after thirty minutes of fighting a trio of bull shit. (I should have recorded it. My mic was right there.)

I only got past three of him because the game save scams for you. As soon as you kill one it auto-saves. This sounds good, right? That atuo-save is merciless. If the second boss was about to gut you when the same kicks off he will be right there, waiting, when that save is loaded. It's a miracle I made it through at all.

In two years I will forget my frustrations, play Halo 6, and record the exact same reactions.

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