Sunday, January 1, 2017

Worst of the Year 2016

It's a new year! And what better way to celebrate than to look back at the last year and pick out the worst of the worst. Games wise. Only games wise. To pick put the actual worst of 2016 would take more space that I have available and send me into clinical depression.

I will admit that I cheated a bit last year when I said that nothing I played deserved to be on a worst of list. A bad year for bad games, I called it. No so this year! I do need to divide things up more than previously thanks to my newly found ability to stop playing games that cause physical pain. There are going to be three categories: worst game I finished, worst game I did not finish and game that is absolutely not for me, regardless of it quality.

No Man's Sky is disqualified because no one wants to talk about that game any more.

Worst game that I did not finish: Alekhine's Gun

Stealth is the least forgiving of all genres and the most difficult to move past acceptable to enjoyable. Hitman games know this and, even though their stealth is very good, always leave the option open for the player to get frustrated and shoot every motherfucker in the room. They also provide many possible solutions to any given problem. 

Alekhine's Gun does none of that. There is one possible solution to each area. Finding that solution is next to impossible as they require leaps of logic that would make old Sierra point and click games proud. If shooting does break out you will die, every time, thank to terrible control and targeting. Two levels was all I could muster before throwing in the towel. 

Oh, and it was ugly, too. Really ugly.

Worst game that I did finish: Lichdom Battlemage

No Man's Sky may have lied in its advertising but Lichdom Battlemage lied in its in game tutorials.

First person shooter that has the player character wielding spells instead of weapons. Not completely original but not seen very often (Hexen and Dark Messiah of Might and Magic are all that come to mind outside of Elder Scrolls games). So, potential! As new attacks are unlocked a video is played that shows what the attack looks like, how to use it, and what damage it can do. These videos all run at a crisp 30 frames per second.

This is about 15 more frames per second than the game ever manages. The videos, I have been told, were captured from the PC version. The PC version would run if you threw far more computer than you should need to at it. The console version never made it past slideshow.

So why did I finish it? Spite. I did not want to be beaten by the game's poor performance so I played on. According the the true achievement site, only 3% of people who started the game actually finished it on 'battlemage' difficulty. I am part of that 3%. I should not be proud of this.

But I am.

Game most not for me (that I attempted to play): Exist Archive

Dark Souls III would win this if I attempted it.

To be clear, I am not saying that Exist Archive was a bad game. It's not good but I can see the attraction. If you want to do is grind through boring combat against the same enemies over and over for minimal gain, this is the RPG for you. It's pretty and there just might be a story in there somewhere that it just might get around to telling.



Honorable mentions go to No Man's Sky, for taking the fun out of playing a game drunk, and Ghostbusters, for being the most overpriced game I have every forced my way through.

On to 2017!

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