Monday, May 1, 2017

Finally something to play

I need to qualify which pile of games Hitman needs to be added to, or rather what else is in that pile. It should be stacked alongside Bloodborne, the collection of games whose quality I acknowledge but that are just not 'for me' and not be associated with No Man's Sky, which was shit. I know that Hitman is giving some people exactly what they want. I can see and understand why they are enjoying it. I may even approach that level of satisfaction on occasion. But more than a few hours of exposure and I am just a angry mother fucker looking for something inexpensive to break.

Case in point: the third section of Hitman has two targets. I know my limitations with this game so I took the easy route and just followed the opportunities. The game quite literally gave me a series of checkpoints which, when followed, got me to the targets. The first went well: I disguised myself as a new chef and added a pinch of rat poison to the spaghetti sauce. This caused the target to flee the table and I pushed him off the cliff he vomiting over. It was quite amusing.

The second target was having an affair with a local golf coach. I found a love letter which led me to said coach and I waited. Eventually I knocked him out (and was seen by the dozen guards who can all see through walls) but before I had to reload I examined his phone and arranged a booty call. Then I died. I reloaded and this time the golf coach made his own call, arranged a tryst, and then wandered around the sausage festival golf course which was patrolled by five or six guards.

This make no sense. If you know that a little something something is waiting for you, you fucking go. Quickly. Also, why were there so many guards on the damn golf course? I tried to knock one of them out and steal his clothes and was once again busted by the one I didn't see who had x-ray vision. Trial and error became error and error and I gave up. It's a shame because the game looks quite good and the levels are gigantic. They are designed for multiple play throughs, something that I would never do. Hitman and I will never work out. Going our separate ways is for the best.


Mario Kart 8 Deluxe is gold. All is as it should be: I can destroy my children but going online sees me leading the race and then eating half a dozen red shells with half a lap to go and finished dead last. It is as God intended. 60 fps while running two player split screen is a nice bonus.


You may not believe this, but For Honor is pretty good as well. I will have more to say after another evening's play but right now it hits all of the same buttons as Ryse Son of Rome, only it looks better and the combat is deeper. I am aware that the single player campaign is just training me to play online (which will not happen) but that has not kept it from being exciting.

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