Tuesday, June 13, 2017

A window into their dark world

Deep in the godless bowels of Ubisoft...

Developer: 'We have been working on an edgy adventure game starring anthropomorphic animals who swear all the time for no particular reason. It's basically GTA but in space* and we need a name.'

Marketing demon: 'Let's call Michel Ancel. He isn't doing anything at the moment.'

*a phone made of human bones rings*

Ancel: 'Speak quickly, a minute of my thoughts is worth more than a thousand of your lifetimes.'

Developer: 'I need a name for a GTA clone starring an edgy monkey with no respect for the lives of others.'

Ancel: 'Is there a pig in it?'

Developer: 'No...'

Ancel: 'Put a pig in it and call it Beyond Good and Evil 2. Just make sure someone has green eyes. People haven't stopped asking for that game since I made a joke trailer for it nine years ago that included the characters people actually liked. We'll call it a prequel and the public will eat it up.'

Marketing demon: 'Excellent idea, oh dark one. By the way, your shipment of artists' pinky toes is on the way.'

Ancel: 'Just make sure that the game is delayed several times and not actually any good. I am completely against giving the public what it actually wants. And call Peter Molyneux, he will get a kick out of this.'

*actual quote from PC Gamer.


Fuck this game and fuck Ubisoft. I refuse to play it. If it ever actually comes out.

No comments:

Post a Comment