Friday, March 2, 2018

Never trust review aggregates

Goodness, am I in a foul mood. Why, you ask? Metacritic lied. Go figure.

Contrary to the nonsense above I submit that Xenoblade Chronicles 2 is a shitty, shitty game.

Every single character is lifted wholesale from other games, either in personality, look or both. Rex is the spirited youth who is more powerful that he knows and has a family history that allows him to bond with Pyra, a living weapon who wears almost nothing and has a personality about as deep as her shorts are long There is a generic cat girl, there are cute round fuzzy thing that speak in broken English and for some reason everyone has an embarrassing Scottish accent.

The general setting, that all life exists on top of gigantic titans who wander through a sea of clouds, below which is an uncharted ocean, sounds neat but in practice was done in Skies of Arcadia and Gravity Rush, only better. There is a giant tree of life it the middle, because of course there is, and some government conspiracy to keep people away from it.

The map is confusing and way points on the compass often point in the wrong direction. Side quests have no indication of what level the player should be, not that it matters that much as monsters significantly below the player's level still kill in only a few hits,

And the combat? This is the worst combat in a JRPG I have ever seen. It's not action based, like a Tales game or even fucking Final Fantasy 15, but it also isn't turn based. Fighting an enemy entails walking up to it, letting the auto attack start, then waiting for attack meters to fill so special attacks can be used. That's it.

Combat is literally waiting for bars to fill. Yes, there are tiered special attacks that lead to quick time events, but getting to those just means more waiting. No part of it is enjoyable, or novel, or in the least bit interesting.

Apparently my rental copy did not come with the complimentary crack that was packed in the retail version. Fuck this game, I have better things to do than watch bars fill as a Scottish cat girl cracks wise about the living weapon's hot pants.

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