Friday, April 12, 2019

Wednesday, April 10, 2019

Who am I again?

I have things to say about how The Walking Dead ended. Some nice, some not so nice, but they are reserved for the podcast. Tune in tomorrow for dead hot takes.


Kingdom Hearts III is kind enough to include a six part primer on the events that led up to it. I watched all six parts before starting the game and understood less than when I started, in fact I think that trying to comprehend the Sisyphean morass that is the over arching Kingdom Hearts 'plot' has forced other more important information out of my brain. Things like where I live and how to breath.

It's like anime watched more anime and decided it could out anime the anime.

If nothing else the game does outrageous spectacle well and often. Fights against standard heartless enemies can culminate in Sora, Goofy and Donald jumping into over sized tea cups and crushing their enemies before them. It may get old eventually but at only two hours in I still find it at least amusing. 

Friday, April 5, 2019

Filling the space

Good morning internet.

I feel that I should apologize, not to anyone in particular, as this blog has never been for anyone other than myself, but to this space in general. It was supposed to be a daily exercise, an outlet after the review gigs dried up. This was many years ago, and while it never really was 'daily' it was certainly more often than it has been as of late. Excuses are many, actual reasons beyond not being in the mood are few, so this is something that I intent to remedy.

Mood is relative, right? I should be the master of my mood, not the other way around.

As chronicled in the podcast, my gaming space has been in pieces for the last two weeks. The carpet was gross and the suspended ceiling was a mess, thanks to a water issue from the floor above, so it was it time to bite the bullet and pay people far more skilled than myself to make it livable again. They have done so. All that is left is the painting, which I am doing myself, and I have severely underestimated the task.

It's not that I have never painted before. I painted every god damn wall in my last house at least once. This is different enough to make it arduous: grey paint going over yellow on walls with no texture. The paint will just slide off when the roller gets dry, but you can't see these spots until the paint itself has cured.

Translation: I have to do the whole thing twice and I haven't even started with the edging yet.

But this is not This Old Hours and I am not Norm Abrams (REFERENCES, HA!). I have managed to play a few things with my television transplanted into a different room. Darksiders III was bad and I shudder to think what they will do with a forth game. It is a shadow of the first two tainted by the current souls-like hotness, just done poorly. Frankly, I am amazed that I made it through to the end.

Call of Cthulhu was also bad, but no one should be surprised by this. I knew it was going to be rough when they mispronounced Cthulhu. CUH - TOO - LOO, seriously? It was a walking simulator with very little to do or say with a final five minute out of nowhere visual spectacle that almost made the previous three evenings of work worth it. Almost.

Trust me, don't play this one, either, just look up the endings on YouTube. Here:

I did not get the first ending. My Pierce was far too crazy by that time to do anything other than kill himself, finish the ritual, or finish the counter ritual. Pay no attention to the janky animations and just look at the clouds in the background. Not bad. Not worth the rest of the game, but not bad.

Monday, March 25, 2019

Better late than, well...

Obviously I am not playing Sekiro. I don't want to play Sekiro, it sounds custom made to anger me, meticulously honed into just the right shape to hit all my rage pressure points simultaneously. But what I am missing us the internet community aspect of playing something at the same time as everybody else. The end of last year of good for that. I played Red Dead Redemption 2 at release and Spider-Man not too far after. It was nice to be part of the buzz instead of weeks, or months, late.

So be it. Someone had to play Monster Boy and the Cursed Kingdom. Someone had to play Darksiders III. Might as well be me.

Monster Boy was not originally on the list as I had some fun with the last game but not enough to make me loyal to the series. The last game was a reskin of the original Master System title, and it felt like it. Looked good, felt bad, and was burdened with antiquated mechanics. It also required quite a bit of internet help to finish.

Then Cursed Kingdom showed on a top ten list on Digital Foundry. Fine, I'll play.

Cursed Kingdom is not a reskin, it is a whole new game. Looks good. Honestly looks very good. Does not feel bad, but certainly doesn't feel good. And the game? Ehhhhh... I do not like it when a Metroid-vania does not at least give some direction on where to find something (which is part of why I cannot play Hollow Knight). Cursed Kingdom does this a few time but those road blocks came when I was too invested, time wise, to give up.

So this game, much like the last one, was finished with the help of various let's play videos. I don't have the time nor do I have the patience to re-explore vast areas, looking for the one piece out of five of the magic dingus that I need to finish the game. In this case I am happy to have played the game late; someone else had done all the hard work for me.


Darksiders III is, at best, mediocre. But Fury is awesome. She hates humans. She hates the other horseman. She thinks, no, believes that she is better and more powerful that everyone else. She deserves a better game than a mostly linear action RPG with the worst parts of a Souls-like, unfair combat situations and losing souls when you die, bolted on.

I will soldier on, for now, but I cannot promise to see this one through to the end.

Friday, March 22, 2019

meak poast

Hm, what does this 'new post' button do?

meak poast

Well shit, look at that!

Chamberlain and Chance - It belongs in a museum

Monday, March 11, 2019

I am a simple man

Crackdown 3 forgot what it was in the final few missions, specifically, it got too hard. I spent a solid forty five minutes on a giant mech and his infinite minions before dropping the difficulty from 'Terry Crews' to 'Dwayne Johnson' and finishing it off with little effort.

I'm just kidding, Rock, you know I love you, don't kill me.

I maintain that there is little wrong with Crackdown 3 but there is also little to recommend outside of playing it for simple amusement. It is a game that exists for the sake of its game-ness, something that is apparently not good enough anymore.

It's just a game, okay? It's not breaking anything down or improving anything, even iteratively. It's a game that existed and exists again, after a ton of delays. That's good enough for me.

Speaking of good enough for me...

Phone rings.

'You've got Wang.'

Tee hee.

Lo Wang. Shadow Warrior 2. There are any number of things that I should be playing, things that are actually on the list, and instead I nosed around Game Pass looking to take advantage of the rest of my $1 month.

Imagine my surprise when I found a shooter that had new mechanics layered on top of it. There is a loot system that allows weapon and armor customization. Areas are large and filled with odd looking enemies whose limbs come off it a pleasing manner. The frame rate is solid, and visually it is good enough.

And it has juvenile potty humor. It is miles funnier than anything Duke Nukem ever did. Which isn't saying much, but at least there are no scantily clad women who have been impregnated by aliens.